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Most of the time I like to consider myself a level headed person. Yes, I have my moments where I can't stand to breathe the same air as some people, but a lot of the time I enjoy those around me. There is nothing like having a strong support system made up of your closest friends and family members. Even on your worst day those loving people always seem to make things a little bit easier. However, there is a certain person in my life that I could really live without. I can't stand having to put on a fake smile and pretend that everything's okay when it truly isn't. Am I the only one thats ever had to do this? The worse part about this situation is having this particular person in my family.
I know I can't replace my gene pool, although when this person is around I really wish I could. Maybe I should feel guilty for thinking this way about someone who is so close to me, but the truth is I don't! Honestly this person has NEVER been there for me so its hard to even consider them family. We truthfully are only bonded by blood. Every time our paths cross I just want to smack the sh*t out of them and let them know how much of an asshole I really think they are. But for the sake and sanity of those closest to me I refrain from doing so. It just hurts me to know all the lies, and broken promises that have come from this person over the years. So its hard to keep from losing it when I look in the mirror and see so much of that person looking back at me.
In order to keep my emotions under control I write down my feelings so they don't get the best of me. Here is a little snippet of what I wrote to help me deal with my sticky family situation.
A Letter to My Father:
I know its hard for you too see me grow, and know that your love could never truly flow. Growing up it was hard for me too, but Im older now and see the REAL you. No more second changes your time through, that's it I'm done I'm giving up on you.
They say time will teach you all you need to know, and from spending time with you, nothing is what I have to show. My dad is what you should have been, but I can't seem to find the category to put you in. I hope you have a nice life, one in which is carefree. I may be growing up father-less, but you'll never know the REAL me...
The best thing to do when your anger about something is to write it down. Writing is a form of release because your able to put your feelings into words instead of just letting them linger on as pint up emotion. I am in no way some kind of poet, writing is just therapeutic for me. You can write your feelings anywhere, in the notes section of your phone, a tablet or even in an email. I've found that its best to write things down and read them back before you fly off the handle at someone. Just think of it as a form of thinking before you speak.
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